Feminists don’t think all men are rapists. Rapists do.

7 Jun

Time Machine | 06 February 2011

(via Shakesville. Links added by A Division by Zer0.)

To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a problem.

I get it, you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something or connect you to doing something that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.

And they’ve told you about triggers and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right?

So fine. If all those arguments aren’t going anything for you, let me tell you this. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and you don’t see the harm, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.

Because this is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down-

6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act.

6% of Penny Arcade’s target demographic will admit to actually being rapists when asked.

A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?

Rapists do.

They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.

Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.

If one in twenty guys is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, really cool guy, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.

But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.

And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed?

That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.

You. The rapist’s comrade.

And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore…

Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.


Trigger: n. in the context of abuse (including sexual abuse or self harm), eating disorders, trans dysphoria, etc: anything (such as text, video, reenactment or even mention) of said subject matter, leading to anxiety in abuse survivors or sufferers of PTSD or eating disorders, dysphoria in trans people, or an episode of self-harm in those susceptible to self-harm. Return to post.

Walking With Pride

7 Jun

Elena Jeffreys | 06 June 2011

(via SX News)

[Trigger warning – this article contains references to issues of sexual assault that may be triggering or distressing for survivors of assault to read.]

SX News

The global movement raising awareness of victim-blaming and slut-shaming finally arrives in Sydney. Here, Elena Jeffreys outlines why everyone – queers, bears, dykes, fags, polys, hos, gender fuckers and all the rest – should take part in SlutWalk.

For When a Slut is a Slut

There is almost no other appropriate word for it. Promiscuous, available, interested, horny, experienced, versatile, adventurous, size queen, ho or “been there done that”. When you have sex with lots of people, whether it be on the scene, in sex work, at the sauna, sex parties or simply being a serial monogamist (two weeks at a time for ten years), when you look around the scene and realise that you’ve slept with everyone and more, and your main life pursuits are fucking and getting fucked by people who you will never have more than a ten-word conversation with, when fucking is your weekdays, your weekend, your happy moments and your sad moments, your income and/or your expenditure, and everything in between, let’s just say that the word slut isn’t an inaccurate noun for it, and I say that as a slut myself.

For When a Slut is not a Slut

Regardless if none of the above descriptions fit you in any way, your sexuality alone, the fact that you are even reading a queer press article about sluts means that the mainstream world thinks that you too are a slut. Queers, bears, dykes, fags, polys, hos, gender fuckers and all the rest. Just looking or behaving outside mainstream gender and sexuality norms means that we are targets for the shaming that comes with the word slut. Because in a negative context the word slut is not related to how we actually fuck. Even if the entire queer community became celibate overnight and every brothel and beat and sauna and club were empty we would still be targets of slut-shaming stigma. Because slut-shaming is part of homophobia, whorephobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, capitalism and colonialism, and it’s how some of us are rendered unworthy of mainstream rights – the marriage debate is the currently iconic example of this. “Slut” is used as a slur against all our queer communities.

For Survivors of Assault

The accusations and questions that survivors of assault are assailed with when trying to access justice, services or even a friendly shoulder to lean on, are insulting and demeaning. What were you wearing, what drugs were you on, where had you been, who were you having sex with, had you flirted with the rapist, how many people have you had sex with this week, this month, this year. Suddenly guilt and shame from all the social norms you’ve broken, all the slutty behaviour you’ve engaged in, and all the slutty communities you are part of, come crashing around you and it seems like you too believe that you “asked for it”.

On a rational level we know that no one asks to be raped, bashed or assaulted.

But on an irrational level, slut-shaming is our first emotional response, when we experience assault ourselves, when our friends have experienced assault, when members of our community experience assault. And on an even scarier level, slut-shaming is seen to be a normal criminal justice system response to rape, gay-bashings and crimes against queers. Magistrates and judges ask inappropriate questions and it is the case that rape in same-sex relationships, gay-bashings, assault of sex workers and almost any crime committed against a trans person is usually not taken seriously, or attracts a lesser sentence. Being a slut or being a member of a community that is affected by slut stigma means that what you have experienced is seen as less important a crime.

And this is why we walk in Slut Walk, and why you should walk in Slut Walk. To says, “Survivors have had enough”. Assaults against sluts are crime too. Assaults against people from communities affected by slut stigma are crimes too. It’s not okay to blame survivors for the crime that has happened to them.

Victim blaming ends here; it ends today. We have named it, let’s shame it. Bring a banner, your friend, your kids, your parents, your partner. Hold hands and walk down the street and reclaim the space and pride that has been denied to us for too long!

SlutWalk will be held in Sydney on Monday, June 13, from 2pm at Sydney Town Hall.

Elena Jeffreys is a slut, a sex worker, a survivor of sexual assault, and a member of the Slut Walk Collective in Sydney.

[Pictured] Protesters with placards during a SlutWalk march for the right of women to wear what they want without harassment on May 28 in Melbourne. Photo: Getty Images